Dear Brad,

How are YOOOOOOU? (Exaggerated Southern drawl optional) I am, sadly, not so well. You see I had my heart broken. By you. Yep, that’s right. Add another sullen sad-sack beat-down bachelorette broad to your list of not-so- successful love stories.

How could you? First you chuck cheery, wide-eyed cutie-pie Jenny with a flippant “talk to the hand”… And then as I’m grabbing my Kleenex tissues in prep for a poignant and emotional profession of love, you ditch Deanna too?!?!

I feel more violated than when Bachelor Bob Guiney dumped his chosen bachelorette in favor of the series repeat  host and All My Children soap-star Rebecca Budig!!!! (And that was a low point in my life.)

So, now do you see the magnitude of your mistake? You had me fooled with your disarming drawl and your charming smile. But, buddy, you are the biggest fraud in Bachelor history. Live with that.

Should I sign off this letter with “sincerely” or with “much love?” I know… I’ll pick neither.

-Lauren

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