On Thursdays we take you to “the well”; your source for inspiration and how-to’s.

Break-ups can hurt, and sometimes they can even feel downright devastating. Once your heart is broken it is often difficult to move on, even when you know that breaking up was the right thing to do. There are lots of things you can do to get through this tough time: hang out with your girlfriends, cry in bed for days, eat cookie dough (my personal favorite)… or, be honest with yourself about why you broke up, give yourself time to heal, and move forward. Although the first few options may tempt you the most, the last one is the one that will really get you through this difficult time.

Of course, this is easier said than done - I know. There are plenty of things that you are sure to miss about the relationship, but I’m going to share the best advice that I ever received about getting past a break-up: make a list of all the things that you won’t miss about the relationship.

It’s so easy to get caught in the mindset of pining away for all of the good things about a relationship, but that is a road that leads to unhappiness. Your break-up happened for a reason, and the sooner you understand why the sooner you can begin to heal.

Now remember, this is not an ex-bashing session - it is simply a place to be honest and to begin the process of letting go and moving on. Reflect, be truthful, and write down all the reasons that you won’t miss the relationship.

What are some things that you can come up with?

• holding back?
• feeling judged?
• not getting what you need?
• feeling distanced?
• trying to make something work when you know it isn’t right for you?

Remember that this is a process. Give yourself time and go at your own pace. You’ll feel better the minute you get it all out – that’s a promise! By allowing yourself to be honest with the problems in the relationship you will begin to let go, heal, and move on.

So give it a try. Whether long or short, recent or old, are there any relationships that you are still holding on to? Pick up a pen and let the healing process begin.

~Melissa Risdon

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